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The Student Perspective 200 Feet above the Hudson River

THE HALDANE OUTLOOK

The student perspective from 200 feet above the Hudson River
The Student Perspective 200 Feet above the Hudson River

THE HALDANE OUTLOOK

The Student Perspective 200 Feet above the Hudson River

THE HALDANE OUTLOOK

Humor

Dougherty and His Murder

Dougherty and His Murder

By Henry Foley-Hedlund, Humors Editor June 15, 2026

Anyone who knows the Haldane campus knows David Dougherty. Even if they don’t know the man personally, they can hear the effect he has had on Haldane. Audibly. Every day at lunchtime. Dougherty is well...

New Commandments Corral Middle Schoolers

New Commandments Corral Middle Schoolers

By Sena Kester June 15, 2026

In response to movements to reintroduce Christian morals into the American population, a recent resolution by the Haldane Board of Education decided to implement the Ten Commandments into our humble school....

Save Our Souls, Ban NeeDohs

Save Our Souls, Ban NeeDohs

By Margo Bellamy Tarantino June 15, 2026

Attention, inhabitants of Haldane Middle School! As many of you already know, the viral “NeeDoh” stress toys have plagued us these past few months, and it is such that we have decided to ban these...

Sensationalist Headline !!!!!!

Sensationalist Headline !!!!!!

By Henry Foley-Hedlund, Humors Editor May 4, 2026

Unfortunately, the rules of grammar, well, they exist, and, al- lot of them piss me off. Lemme tell ya. I ain’t gonna put up with it no more. Fortunately, I know someone who shares the same opinion,...

Show Me the Money!

Show Me the Money!

By Henry Foley-Hedlund, Humors Editor February 2, 2026

Peers, Faculty, Haldenians, it has recently come to my attention that Haldane has begun to implement a “capital plan” to expand the quality of life for all Haldane students. The budget of this plan...

Macaulay in the Middle School

Macaulay in the Middle School

By Sena Kester February 2, 2026

Every year, Haldane High School Students meet the new batch of dreaded, evil, apathetic freshmen. These freshmen are known for keeping their middle school immaturity and indifference. To stop this cycle...

Black and Blue at the Blue Olive?

Black and Blue at the Blue Olive?

By Petra Brooks-Saladyga February 2, 2026

Although Cold Spring may appear as a sleepy little village with picturesque scenery and a thriving commercial connection to NYC, a monster lurks beneath the noses of the unsuspecting civilians. These days,...

New Superintendent Names

New Superintendent Names

By Henry Foley-Hedlund, Humors Editor November 10, 2025

For years, the Haldane student body has maintained a tradition: superintendent nicknames based on how frequently they would call snow days. Our brilliant, albeit slightly rowdy, student body has come up...

Last-Minute Halloween Costumes

Last-Minute Halloween Costumes

By Louise Denehy, Arts/Entertainment Editor November 10, 2025

Are you an uninspired procrastinator with no desire to win the costume contest? Well, it’s too late for you. You probably disgraced yourself this Halloween. Not to fret. Get ahead with these 17 low-effort...

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