Every year, Haldane High School Students meet the new batch of dreaded, evil, apathetic freshmen. These freshmen are known for keeping their middle school immaturity and indifference. To stop this cycle from repeating, it has been decided (mostly by me) to place traps around the middle school. However, this isn’t meant to inflict harm on any middle schoolers, but rather to teach them a lesson and to prepare them for high school expectations!

To make these traps a success, inspiration was drawn from the hit film “Home Alone.” This movie is not only known for being a holiday classic, but it is also an educational film in my heart. It has taught me, and many others, how to create effective traps.

And so, I will get straight to the point and talk about the traps.

Pencil Pandemonium:

Picture this, if you will. A hapless middle schooler, strolling unfocused through the long and winding corridors of the middle school, before stepping on a pencil and careening into a wall like Wile E. Coyote. With the amount of pencils on the middle school floors increasing every year, why not make it a hazard? Like the car trap of McCallister fame, these pencils would function similarly to cartoon bananas and will be placed for all the unfortunate souls that somehow manage to step on them. Bonus points if the pencils are dull. We’re going for humiliation, not grievous bodily harm. The setup is pretty self-explanatory.

Shaving Cream Shenanigans:

Studies have also shown that middle schoolers use their lockers. Which is extremely shocking for many high schoolers! Much to the chagrin of the Haldane administration, no Haldane student would be caught dead punching in their combination between classes. Unfortunately, the middle school’s tendency to use every tool at its disposal has been exploited, and now their lockers aren’t safe. When using elements from Kevin McCallister’s infamous flamethrower trap, something similar can be executed in our very own schoolgrounds! Everyone is already scared of being shaving creamed on Halloween night, so why not make this a problem to think about every day! Not only is this an amazing idea for a trap, but it also teaches these students a lesson about using their lockers. Don’t.

Paint Can Pendulum? Try some Coffee Cup Capitulation:

Looking for a spin on McCallister’s paint trap? Don’t have any gallons lying around? Try a nice little coffee mug trap. Most middle schoolers are capable of walking up the stairs; they do it every day to get to class. The only problem is that these students are tired and not ready for class. So I am sure that having a coffee mug slam into their head from the top of the stairs is not only a great way to get students to wake up for class, but it is also “completely safe” and a “healthy alternative” to caffeinated beverages.

Now, all good things must come to an end, including this article. For anyone looking for Home Alone inspired traps, don’t worry! Make sure to credit me for the wonderful ideas. I hope that all are happy to see this delightful addition to our school!