Unfortunately, the rules of grammar, well, they exist, and, al- lot of them piss me off. Lemme tell ya. I ain’t gonna put up with it no more. Fortunately, I know someone who shares the same opinion, my- self. Henry Foley Hedlund, a male Haldane High School student of 16 and-a-little-near-maybe-three- quarters, “I am a male Haldane High School student of 16 and-a- little-near-maybe-three-quarters.” Henry began.

For the purposes of this article, Henry worked hard via hard work to describe his grievances with grammar as a concept. “So what am I doing here again? [Henry queried] Oh right, the article. I asked my friend Lincoln Wayland about this, and he said “I don’t think that’s how you’re supposed to do double quotes, Henry. Is this going on the record?” Yes. Yes it was.” This quote had nothing to do with what I asked about.

The Columbia Press Scholastic Convention, C-S-P.A.; is all about being the standard of highschool journalism in the nation (except for the way cooler national convention in Orlando,) but I digress—Colum- bia. It wasn’t even all-that, anyway.

“I think I do declare a reason for my deep hatred for grammar conventions. I mean just first and foremost. Think about a grammar convention. Convention, huh. What do you picture? Oh I know. A bunch of English majors, who can’t get a job; —they’re all so needlessly pedantic— They hate commas and how we humble student journalists write ledes and the passive voice.” Quothed Henry.

The convention made a certain show the of maintaining grammati- cal purity. No adverbs. No commas, not any none of nothing. Happily denying us our easy outs and our adverbs. The C-Single-S-P-A may be the all time most annoying thing of all time. There was also this MALE lawyer named something along the lines of a Mister something something I wasn’t paying attention Esquire. And he says that I can’t slander people! Or, something like that. I don’t remember what he said.

I think I’ll write whatever I like and slander whoever I like! I think ████ Haldane Faculty are trying to do their best at all times, ██████████ ██████████ Superintendent Doctor Gail Duffy Doctor of Education. Who gets a doctorate in education anyway? Can you just call anything a doctor- ate these days? And another thing: ████████████████ ██████████████████████ ████████ ███████ █████████████████

Despite a certain lack of compre- hensibility, I really very much truly believe that a lot of my later points made a certain semblance of sense. Mais revenons à nos moutons. I mean look at me. I was able and it was possible for me to write this article whilst completely ignoring most of the “rules” they laid out for me.

Writing this article, I just began to imagine a world without gram- martical rules. I could and would be so much more efficient. I’ve gotten by just fine without them. In fact, I think, statistically, in today’s society, given the population of the planet, many people, at least a decent amount, would agree with me on this;