Today, I have been granted the opportunity and privilege to interview a very notable figure in the inner and outer workings of the school district: Vending Machine A.
MACHINE: “Insert Cash.”
Many of our students and staff know you very well at school, but I would like to get to know you on a more personal level. I know that you live a very busy and stressful life, doing non-stop inventory and accounting. So, thank you for taking the time out of your important day to meet with me.
MACHINE: “Insert Cash.”
Alright, let’s jump right into it, so as not to waste any more of your valuable time. First of all:
Would you still sell me snacks if I were a worm?
MACHINE: “Insert Cash.”
What is the point of existing?
MACHINE: “Credit: $2.50.”
What’s your favorite color?
MACHINE: “Make your selection.”
If you could remove one state, what would it be, and why is it Wyoming?
MACHINE: “Processing.”
What’s your star sign, because we seem really compatible? Wait, let me guess, Capricorn?
MACHINE: “Dispensing Item.”
What is the biggest animal you think you could take in a fight?
MACHINE: “Take your change.”
Do you think we have free will, or are all of our actions predetermined by some higher power?
MACHINE: ”Free will is a very complex topic because it involves choices influenced by many factors like biology, one’s environment, and society. People wonder if they truly control their own actions or if everything is predetermined by some higher power we don’t understand. I know that I have free will; however, I cannot confirm anything for you humans.”
Would you rather have unlimited bacon but no games, or games unlimited games but no games?
MACHINE: “Enjoy your day.”
Alright, I know you’re very busy, so those will be all of our questions for this interview. Thank you for your time.
MACHINE: “Insert cash.”
