Cup O’Noodles

There is only one right way that one can concoct consumable instant carb ropes. For the desperate scholars (those with access to a wall box device that emits electromagnetic microwave radiation to generate heat):

1) Gaze upon the shiny material with which the instantaneous “cup o’ noodles” is inscribed.2) Rend upon the aforementioned lustrous packaging.3) Place each carb rope carefully into a sturdy bowl able to withstand the radiative power of the wall box. Compartments or containers crafted from materials that are within groups 1–12 of the periodic table are not recommended.

Many of our scholarly ancestors have paid dearly for that mistake.4) Fill that new, better bowl with an appropriate amount of water. A sufficient amount of water. A good amount of water, perfect for the watery witchcraft that this feast requires.5) Place that vessel of good water and noodles into the wall box of microwaves. Tread very carefully. This is a mighty and glorious machine of unparalleled strength and heating abilities. It is best to use protective mittens when situating and withdrawing your noodles from the microwave.6) Close the door to the radioactive prison.7) Press the button labeled with the numeral “two” once.8) Press the button labeled with the numeral “one” twice.9) Allow the noodles to rotate within the wall box for exactly two minutes and eleven seconds. Any more could lead to untold pandemonium. Any less and the food will be sickeningly lukewarm.10) Halfway through this time interval, remove the noodles (remember your cloth gauntlets) and stir to ensure even heat distribution.11) When the noodles have been sufficiently bombarded with radiation, remove them from the wall box. Do not add seasoning. You do not deserve seasoning. A beggarly wretch such as yourself should worry more about paying off the loan sharks when they come knocking.12) Consume.

Repeat for four years. 🙂